Friendship is a relationship of people based, first of all, on a mutual sense of care, respect and trust, people who have common points of contact in any interests. Although it came out of the natural human needs for communication and cooperation, since man has always been a social being. And that's why we need friendship so much. But friendship is not just camaraderie or cooperation, it is a special feeling that can be counted among the highest feelings, such as patriotism.
The subject of friendship is as old as any other. Perhaps, that new can be said. Anything you say will not exhaust this question completely. The problem of understanding friendship is boundless. Let me bring to your attention the notes of a psychologist about friendship. Why is it difficult for a person to find understanding, loyal and responsive friends? What should I do to avoid being alone in this world? Why is it that when there are changes in life, friends do not always help them? I would like to answer these and other questions not only from the point of view of my own experience, but also from the point of view of psychology.
How does it happen that we are friends at all and for what? This question is very difficult to answer rationally. After all, friendship is basically a set of feelings, and all feelings are irrational. And these feelings are contradictory. The appropriate question is: how do we choose our friends? Sometimes the choice is spontaneous-happened and happened. We often reach out unconsciously to a certain person, noting in him some attractive personal qualities. The properties of a person that impress us may include intelligence, beauty, modesty, social status, spiritual qualities, and many others. We might have met a future friend together in some experience, mark it in your memory. And often this experience is enough to make a person a friend.
Friendship is a living organism that feeds on our needs and feelings necessary for our normal functioning, in order to be human. In friendship, we satisfy our needs — to show interest in a person and take care of them, delighting ourselves with the art of empathy and love. All this supports friendships and forms relationships. A person's health is often determined by their environment. For example, such diseases as alcoholism and drug addiction are social, and the prognosis of recovery from them is determined by the close circle in which a person will fall after the end of treatment and removal of physiological dependence. We differ from animals in our ability to be friends, and this is a great happiness and grace.
A friend is your other self that you either admire or hate. A friend sometimes has those traits that are both fascinating and frightening to us (consciously or unconsciously). Therefore, we allow ourselves to be close to the person who complements you, but we do not dare to develop this personal characteristic. Because if it is in me, I may not need you anymore.
As they say, a true friend is known in misery. This is true. Misfortune is a great opportunity to bring true friendship to light. To protect yourself from adversity is not to give the opportunity to show care and support to a loved one. And to find misfortune is to test your friend for the truth of his intentions and feelings. A difficult life situation can often expose a false friendship, an enemy, or just a dishonest person. After all, it often happens that there is a close company consisting of people who are so familiar to you that it seemed they could be called your friends. But in fact, as soon as you face a difficult problem, all your friends disappear, leaving you alone with your illusions.
A good friend does not judge, but listens, tries to understand, not wanting to change you. In his silence, there is so much wisdom and support that it is enough to join this flow of heat, as the problem resolves itself. The interface of faith in each other is the only condition for the development of this living human phenomenon called friendship. To be able to listen, to take on part of the sorrows of a friend is a deep need that modern man needs. The manifestation of these important human qualities is hindered by shyness and norms of behavior adopted in the social environment in which the person was brought up.
Hypocrisy, talkativeness, insincerity if at least one of these qualities you see in a loved one, then you should think about your emotional security. After all, this person can betray you and it will be a great emotional trauma. Sincerity is a condition, but not the only rule for creating and developing friendships. A friend who knows, but is not in a hurry to teach you this, who is able to feel and give knowledge at the moment when you are ready to receive it – an important characteristic of a friend.
A person who helps you discover the best in you, what is hidden in the depths of your soul – a great gift of fate. After all, often, a person who calls himself your friend, sincerely envies you and limits your abilities. An envious friend will always be an energy "vampire" in relation to you, and will form a dependency on him until you break up with him.
What you have become in life, what heights you have reached, will largely be determined by your environment and close friends. You will be perceived from birth to the end of your professional career, paying attention to your friends, being interested in them. Many people go for business education, but they do not get knowledge, but a lot of connections with people who are called friends. There are types of "friendship" that are more like commodity-money relations, which is more likely to refer to false friendship. Turning to the topic of true and false friends, I note that such friends are pseudo-friends. And a person drowning in such connections, deprives himself of true friendship. How many stories are there when people who have reached a position in society "howl" in a cage of loneliness, because everyone who addresses them wants something from them, offering them false feelings in return.
Is friendship at work acceptable in principle? Here we are faced with a conflict of roles (the role of a friend versus the role of a position). I know many examples where a friendship that was born and continued in a working context ended in nothing. And all because in this case there was a role conflict. In business, a career often depends on establishing informal relationships that are very similar to friendships, but they focus on the interests of people, a certain exchange of something, from different sides. Therefore, friendship at work is possible if friends do not exchange anything other than their feelings. Unfortunately, the modern person working in business often only has work as a context for finding friends.
It is necessary to tolerate your friend's weaknesses, reproaches, and mistakes, but to a certain extent. After all, sometimes indulging them, we do a great harm to a person. Who but you can point out the shortcomings and limitations of your friend. When you are admired — you are harmed, a good friend is a person who gives objective feedback about your behavior. Admiration is a Cape that looks like a silk handkerchief, but in fact turns out to be made of cast iron. Useful properties of a friend are directness and sincerity. Sometimes you need to have a lot of courage to tell the truth and go into conflict. But if even at the cost of friendship, you help one person to become better, show him a negative trait – you have not lived your life in vain. And maybe your friend, becoming better, understanding what you have done for him, will be grateful to you, and your friendship will make a breakthrough to a qualitatively new level.
Why do people lose interest in each other and stop being friends? This happens for a variety of reasons. Sometimes this is due to the depletion of interest and feelings of attachment towards another person. The end of friendship comes from frustration, finding a real idea of a person, and is associated with the destruction of illusions. The end of a friendship is a big shock for someone, while for another person it is a normal, habitual state. Each of us has our own cycles of change that affect our friendships. Therefore, one person wants to change more often than another. And transformations entail rotation of the environment. And this will be a test of the truth of your friendship.
By nature, people are close to each other, but socially distant from each other. To think that you fully understand your friend is utopian. Friendship is a contradiction. You're lonely, it's cold and you are beginning to reach out to another person, to make him a friend. You initiate a rapprochement, not realizing that this closeness can be fraught with danger and fear of losing something. This can be compared to a duel, when you need to take a step to the meeting, aiming at the heart. But in fear, you throw the gun and run away. And this is repeated again and again. It is impossible to fully understand a person, you can only agree that you will never understand who is next to you. Trying to understand your friend can be very expensive, sometimes the price is friendship itself. Not to understand, but to accept – that's what you need for a strong friendship. Friendship is a distance, and success in a relationship is associated with a sense of distance, which is not dangerous, but comfortable.
The development of friendship is strongly influenced by the formation of new family relationships. When people change their family status, they move away from those with whom they were previously close. There is a chill in the reception and communication with friends. Either the wife or the husband becomes the guardians of the family, seeing the friendships of the other spouse as a threat to the family. The family develops new rules in which many aspects of the old behavior of the spouses can be revised, including relations with friends. The conflict due to jealousy arises because friends are not justified, have become closer at the beginning of friendship. the distance was too close. And now the solution to this conflict will depend on the flexibility of both the new family and old friends.